I've tried studying 3 different majors several times by now (I'm 26) but it's impossible due to my mental health. None of the antidepressants I've tried ever helped, most made me feel even worse. I had so much anxiety sometimes that I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep (and started hallucinating due to lack of sleep). I constantly thought about suicide, even attempted it. I went through periods when I felt relatively normal but then my psychiatrists would change my meds or something traumatic would happen in my life that made me go off the rails again. My mom doesn't want to understand how difficult it's been, my dad doesn't either and he's just downright abusive.

I've been trying to come up with a way how to tell my mom. I know it's going to crush her. But I can't keep lying either.

I think I can lie and say I failed this semester due to the pandemic (I work at a hospital and covid has been ramping up in my country again) and the fact that I found child porn on my then-boyfriend's phone 2 months ago. So it's not like I haven't had a reason to not feel shitty.

Why did I have to be such a fuckup? Also, fuck my dad for making me mentally ill.